Hey Guys,
I've shared with most of you the story of my past life and how I used to live before I got saved. And one person you've heard me talk about on many occasions and whom we have prayed for many times is my friend Matt.
No one other than God himself knew me more than this man during these years of my life. And I was nowhere near God--but now, looking back, this is a testimony of how I saw the love of God in my friend and how God worked in a friendship between two non-believers.
It was 1997 and the truth of the matter was I had nothing to show from over a decade of distributing drugs. And even if I had the furniture, cars, women, power, money (in terms of cash flow) and so called respect, I know it wouldn't have changed the fact that I was still miserable and trying to self-medicate myself into a world that just simply did not exist (except inside my head).
Dealing with this reality became more and more difficult as the years went by which resulted in more and more frequent and heavy drug use. I smoked pot everyday and loved ecstasy. I always had an arsenal of drugs that I traveled with to be ready for any situation I could try to manipulate into my fantasy world. Occasionally, I would take off on a "marathon run" which was anything over a weekend of partying hitting the beach, bars, and strip clubs (not necessarily in that order). When I wouldn't show up after a day or two, Matt would sometimes find me just to make sure that I was okay and ask me if I was planning on coming home--never telling me what I should do even though it was costing both of us obscene amounts of money by my staying out. Rather he would let me know that I could always leave right now and come home with him and get some rest. I always needed rest. On this particular "marathon", in which I traveled from South Carolina to Florida and back, I ate over 100 pills. I don't really remember much except for the girls, Twix bars, and the sudden realization that I was too far away from home. There was no rational thought to what or why I did what I did. But what I remembered very clearly was finally coming home and arriving at Matt's front door. He was expecting me and I was expecting judgment because I knew that this was a recurring pattern of behavior in my life that I was choosing and it was affecting him. If the roles were reversed, there's
NO WAY I would have reacted the way he did or said the things he spoke to me on that day.
We had other friends inside so he stepped out and we stood together for a minute. I could feel his concern for my well being by the way he looked at me. He told me that he cared about me...that the people out there were not my true friends...that he was glad that I was home...that we'd deal with the details later and to come in and get some rest. I always needed rest. Not one question, raised voice or judgmental look--it was just mercy & grace.
The following year we were indicted on Federal Drug charges for Conspiracy to Possess and Distribute Marijuana & MDMA (ecstasy). I gave him his first pill just a few years earlier and as evidenced by my actions above (which is just one example, and one of the reasons I was so relationship retarded) was the underlying fact that I was a lousy friend. Even when I was a little kid, I would make plans with many of my friends saying that I would ride bikes with them after elementary school but never show up or let them know that I was going to ride with someone else. But doesn't natural, human friendship have limits? Doesn't it take super-natural power to exhibit true friendship? Well then how can a man display mercy & grace and love like a true friend before knowing Christ like my friend Matt?
"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."--Romans 5:8
I plead guilty and did 37 months while Matt was sentenced to 21. Matt could have avoided going to prison all together if he would have just told the Feds that I had sold him pills just one time. He refused to cooperate and went to prison instead. During my entire bid, I never received one letter or picture from any of my so-called friends...except from Matt (which, by the way, is prohibited by the Feds as convicts are not allowed to associate with one another during their incarceration or supervised release)
After I got saved in 2004, Matt was the only friend I had left and I was going to make sure that I shared with him what I had recently learned about who God is and (at the time) what little I knew about His character. But I knew enough to realize that Matt's love towards me as a friend was straight from our Heavenly Father which I recognized as Jesus Christ on the cross when I finally laid my life before Him.
Going forward, I'm striving towards becoming a better friend with each one of you and all of the people God has placed in my life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. All of you have been such a blessing to me and it challenges me to give back, now understanding that friendship isn't about what people can do for me but how I can exhibit God's love by showing mercy & grace to my friends regardless of whether they are following Jesus. Oh, how much more clearly I see looking back at how God pursues us.
tarik
